Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Crap Dungeon Horrible Films Presents: Dragonball Evolution (2009)


Justin Chatwin

Emily Rossum

Joon Park

Chow Yun-Fat

Directed By: James Wong

Running Time: 1 hour, 25 minutes

Year: 2009

Rating: 1 0ut of 5

Now, most of you who grew up in the 90's, like me, probabely remember Dragonball and Dragonball Z. They were both kickass shows that are still fun to this day. I remember going home after school and turning on Toonami (which Cartoon Network just cancelled-good job CN, you cancelled your best program!) and watching Dragonball and DBZ. Now, I'd say I was definately a bigger DBZ fan, but I also loved Dragonball (the series before DBZ). And now, 20th Century Fox has raped another treasured childhood memory...

PLOT- Goku (Justin Chatwin) is a young teenager with some inner chi who is picked on in high school. One day, the evil Lord Piccolo returns to Earth and kills Goku's grandfather Gohan. Goku travels to learn from the legendary Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat), and from then on, the childhood raping fully begins...

REVIEW- I can't tell you how much this movie pissed me off. It wasn't only a bad movie, it absolutely ruined a show that was a big part of my childhood, kinda like what the 1998 crap-fest "Batman & Robin" ruined Batman for me. This movie is absolutely NOTHING like Dragonball aside from the names of the characters. And boy, what characters they were (rolls eyes in sarcasm).

Every character that was awesome in Dragonball sucked in Dragonball Evolution. Bulma, who was tough, cute, and funny in the show, was a Lara Croft wannabe with an annoing voice in this. Piccolo wasn't even that green. In fact, he was more yellowish....what the hell? Master Roshi was the best portrayed character in the movie, and even HE wasn't half as good as the Roshi from the show. Those who watched the show know what I'm talking about. Yamcha, who was a badass character in the show, didn't even fight in here! What the fuck! And where the hell was Krillin?? He was a damn important character in the show!

But the worst by far was what they did to Goku. First, let me give you some understanding of the character if you didn't watch the show. In the show, Goku was an innocent, cute, and overall cool kid, between 10 and 12, who was a VERY good fighter. He lived in the woods until he and Krillin started training with Master Roshi. Overall, he was one of the best child characters portrayed on a TV show. In the movie, however, Goku is some emo kid who rides his BIKE to school. WHY THE HELL IS GOKU IN HIGH SCHOOL??!! Goku grew up in the woods, putting him in high school is just stupid! He's bullied, yet never even tries to punch the bullies. The Goku from the show would have beaten these kids in no time! He's not nearly as good a fighter as he was in the show, and his age was all wrong! In the movie, he's like 18! Goku should be at least 10 years old, or maybe 14 at the oldest. The movie's Goku was like a totally different person from the show.

The screenplay's absolutely atrosciouse. Just look at some of the lines:
"What are you gals doing out at this time of night?"
*blush* "Nothing..."
"Doesn't this temple have a curfew?"
Hardy-fuckin'-har-har. That was the worst line I have ever heard. Need I say more?

James Wong's direction sucked. He obviousely had no knowledge of Dragonball or any of the characters, and it shows in the film. Honestly, the film's producer, Stephen Chow, should have directed this. Chow actually IS a Dragonball fan, and if he directed OR wrote it, maybe the movie would have been better. James Wong, I used to like you, but now you have to redeem yourself for me to like you again. I don't take kindly to you raping my childhood.

The acting pretty much sucked. Justin Chatwin, who I really like and who is a very good actor, was a horrible choice to play Goku. He doesn't look anything like the kid Goku from Dragonball OR the adult Goku from Dragonball Z. He just didn't fit the role at all, and it was an evident case of bad casting. It would be the equivelent of casting Elijah Wood as Hannibal Lector. I love Elijah Wood, but he wouldn't fit that role at all. Emily Rossum annoyed me as Bulma. She played the character all wrong, and that voice she did annoyed the hell out of me. Joon Park disn't do anything for me as Yamcha. It doesn't help that he looks NOTHING like the actual character. Another example of bad casting. James Marsters looked really bored as Piccolo, like he was just sleepwalking through the role. Chow Yun-Fat is probabely the best actor aside from Chatwin, but he, unlike Chatwin, was an OK choice for his role. I could easily see him as Roshi, and he did show some attributes of Roshi from the show. Anyone who watched the show will tell you that Roshi was the man.

WRAP-UP: Overall, Dragonball Evolution scuked and was a huge slap in the face to Dragonball fans everywhere. Stick to watching the show, like me, because the movie is just rape.

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